So I'm reading this book by Kenneth Tynan. It's a delightful book in which he chronicles rare geniuses he has known and supped with. However he seems to have spent so long competing with others with huge egos that he is completely unaware of how abnormal and small his world is. So with a breezy laugh he writes the following:

"You could list their qualities in parallel columns:

Gielgud                       Olivier
Air                                  Earth
Poet                                Peasant
Mind                               Heart
Spiritual                         Animal
Feminine                        Masculine
John Philip Kemble      Edmund Kean
Introvert                         Extrovert
Jewel                               Metal
Claret                              Burgundy"

Yes, Kenneth, that makes it all clear. Claret v. Burgundy. Do you ever wonder, Kenneth, why people stare blearily at you when you try to make chat on the train? Poor Kenneth. I think it genuinely confuses him. (Or it did, until he died 26 July 1980.)