Las Vegas Sallie and I were driving back from an emotional weekend in miles of traffic (5 hour trip took us 7 hours), so we were semi-comotose when we stumbled into a Burger World to pee. It was only after we ordered some refreshment that we realized this wasn't your average Burger World. It was the creepy "local color" customized version in Quantico, Virginia.
Las Vegas Sallie knows all the words to the Marines' Hymn. Where do you learn that when you grew up surrounded by pinko liberals?
(Link to above slideshow if your browser is being ignorant: http://www.flickr.com/photos/79213232@N00/2810395929)
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Theo Harris wants to come to your house and watch you sleep. While crooning Korn songs softly over you. And then he'll paint the inside of your medicine cabinet a soft yellow with pus he drained from his abscesses fresh that morning. Something to remember him by. Or maybe he'll just drive around your neighborhood with his customized van. You'll happen to gimpse it at the grocery store or the video store or the post office, or wherever you happen to be. He'll be there.
His website would also like to invade your home. He paid some two bit web company (operated out of someone's den) way too much to type his name into their generic realtor-template website.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
was told today that there's a conspiracy made up of doctors who communicate through phones and computers about how to keep all of us down. when i pointed out that i work in the medical field and i'm not in this conspiracy, the patient told me that i'm a good person so they left me out.
i was strangely touched.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Apparently Johnny Carson at one point issued a list of answers that journalists could use for any questions they liked. The list:
1. Yes, I did.
2. Not a bit of truth in that rumor.
3. Only twice in my life, both times on Saturday.
4. I can do either, but I prefer the first.
5. No. Kumquats.
6. I can't answer that question.
7. Toads and tarantulas.
8. Turkestan, Denmark, Chile, and the Komandorskie Islands.
9. As often as possible, but I'm not very good at it yet. I need much more practice.
10. It happened to some old friends of mine, and it's a story I'll never forget.
He really covers all the bases, doesn't he? Wouldn't it be cool to walk into a job interview and hand over these answers? Or a first date? Or a meeting with a new colleague? The possible places to use the list are endless.
(Learned of this in afore-referred-to book by Kenneth Tynan.)
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
So I'm reading this book by Kenneth Tynan. It's a delightful book in which he chronicles rare geniuses he has known and supped with. However he seems to have spent so long competing with others with huge egos that he is completely unaware of how abnormal and small his world is. So with a breezy laugh he writes the following:
"You could list their qualities in parallel columns:
Gielgud Olivier
Air Earth
Poet Peasant
Mind Heart
Spiritual Animal
Feminine Masculine
John Philip Kemble Edmund Kean
Introvert Extrovert
Jewel Metal
Claret Burgundy"
Yes, Kenneth, that makes it all clear. Claret v. Burgundy. Do you ever wonder, Kenneth, why people stare blearily at you when you try to make chat on the train? Poor Kenneth. I think it genuinely confuses him. (Or it did, until he died 26 July 1980.)
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